Chapter 2: !

"Agghhh!!" I woke up in my bed. The feeling of falling didn't leave my body.

"A dream?" But it felt so real.

"Tell me does one really ever have a reason for living?" We live outta spite for ourselves, people, I guess some people just live to live.

A fear of death..

I grabbed my backpack

A fear of failure..

I put on my shoes

A fear of falling..

I reached for the door handle

A fear of..

I opened the door and there he stood my step-father

..a fear of life

"Where do you think you're going?" I decided not to say anything and gave him a dirty look out of spite.

"You answer me when I'm speaking to you!!" He smacked me in the face, knocking me to the ground.

"I.." I froze, looked away, and I spotted my skateboard I got from my father before the day I never saw him again.

"Listen here kid…" He rolled up his sleeves ready to serve me a good one. He glanced out the window to see the neighbors pulling into their driveway.

He walked over to close the curtains, and as soon as he turned around I had left.

I ran out the back door and down to the street.

"Itachi!! Get your ass back here!!" I put in some earbuds, put down my skateboard, and left.

* * *

The moon was at its highest peak, the stars shining brightly.

I didn't know how long it had been. Hours, a few days, a week?

"I hadn't seen home in a while.. I wonder how mom's doing"

"Keep walking sweetie, ignore him." A lady and her daughter had walked by me, probably thinking I was delusional.

I haven't eaten in so long and my only source of water is the public parks water fountain at the park.

"..why did I run…?" I began to think to myself "WHY?!" The other people in the park glanced at me.

"My life was fine, I could've stayed, my mom's food was great." I felt my face heat up. "He was a problem tho, a big problem.."

"Was it really him tho?" I heard his voice as if he was standing next to me.

"Or was it you..?" My head began to fill with thoughts I didn't think of, thoughts that this was my doing, I chose to run. And I chose to leave them behind. This was my fault not his.

"You did this.. You did all of this. "

"I.." 

"The real question is, why do you choose to regret it...?" I began to question myself, who I was or why I existed

When I was a kid I had a really close relationship with this one kid.. His name was Anji. He was a rough small indian boy,, like me he didn't have many friends.

"Hi! I'm Itachi." I said with a smile. Guess before then I hadn't been thinking straight.. Or perhaps I was, just more for my own livelihood.

"Anji, Anji Utimaho." He said pleasantly, shaking my hand. Back then I was a target for big bullies, and was made fun of by everyone.. Anji was new.. A kid I never knew.. A kid who did not know me.

"You're pretty cool. Let's be friends." He said with a smile and gave me a fist bump. I liked the sound of his native tongue. I found it fascinating that I would try it myself.

This one time I had done it while in front of his parents and they were so upset. They walked away with him and I followed behind a few steps without being noticed.. I tended to be good at that.

They had turned around the corner where they stopped for a second. His mother began yelling at him but I couldn't understand what she was saying.

"He's a good person! He's my fri-" Then she smacked him. And whispered something to him.

"Yes mami." For a few days we didn't talk. And each day he would always seem to be bruised.

One day he came to school with a black eye.

"Ay, Mijo!" Our Spanish teacher had called. "What happened?"

"N-nothing, I just fell." But we both knew that wasn't true.

During lunch that day I had been beaten up by the bully kids in the restroom. They punched me in the gut and gave me a busted nose. I laid to the ground. Anji then happened to walk in at the same time.

"Hey kid beat it!" Anji hesitated for a second.

"A-angi.. please.." I cried, hoping for him to go.

"Come on little dirt boy! I said beat it!" The bully pushed him. Anji froze.. He looked at me.. "No" is what went through my head and then all of a sudden Anji pushed back. The bully got upset, then PUNCH.. Right in his face. Anji was gifted a bloody nose and fell to the ground. The bully rolled up his sleeves then walked out.

"Ahaha!!" He laughed. And then weakly I laughed along with him.

"..aheheh…."

Two years passed by,, the second year of middle school and the bullies never bothered me again. Me and Anji were as tough as stone. The only friends we ever needed.

I had met his parents and they accepted me. Anji had a new father, and their family seemed so cheerful, his parents seemed to be better too. Knowing the dark history between them. He seemed okay. I was happy to have met him.

A few days later I heard pounding in the boys restroom. A muffled scream. I peaked in to see Anji being beaten by the bullies. Anji's eyes soon meant mine as he smiled.

"Itachi..!" A single tear fell down his face as I noticed the knife pressed against Anji's face. I hesitated.

"Ohh lucky, look who it is.." I was shaking, as I looked down at my hands and feet.

 "Are you gonna save your little immigrant friend or what?" He peened, slicing Anji's cheek. I was frightened and looked back at Anji. He then gave a thumbs up.

"You got this Itachi." He smiled. I looked him in the eyes and ran out the door. I couldn't do it, I couldn't stand up to them. I panicked. I hid behind the drink fountain and began crying.

The next few days it was the same. Until it wasn't. I wasn't shaking anymore. I just did my business, and left. I watched as his classic thumbs up fell to a lifeless hand hanging by his side.

"What a friend right?" The bully mocked me. And I didnt care. I just let it happen. Didnt even say a word.

"Itachi! What the fuck?" He swore at me. He had anger in his eyes along with tears.

"Where the hell were you? We're friends aren't we? Right??? Itachi??" He seemed so confused. He then lifted up his shirt revealing scars and bandages. There were also scorch marks from cigarettes.

"Can't you see what they're doing to me.. I thought I had enough from my parents!! And I thought!! I thought! I.. I thought I had someone there for me, but I guess not.." His sleeve slid down a bit as it revealed cuts on his wrist. I felt my blood run cold. The cuts hurt more than him being bullied instead of me. He then quickly pulled his sleeve forward.

He began to walk away and then stopped. "You know Itachi, I really liked you.. I thought you were my friend.. But you're the worst of the worst. You're a fucking two faced bitch." My face became red for a second. As he then walked away.

"Ajin.. It.." It wasn't my fault, I thought to myself.

"See ya, asshole." his voice faded away slowly.

The next day Ajin did not show. Which was unlikely of him. No matter what had happened he would always make it to school. And I was scared. That night I went home.. I stared out the window to the stars in the sky.. I wasn't sure what to expect, nor was I sure what I was doing.

Ajin was my closest friend, and I was scared of losing him, and I wanted to apologize. I want him to take it back.

I'm not an asshole.. Im not a terrible person.. Things just happened. People hated me, I was scared.

And perhaps they always have.

I stepped out of the house and began walking down the sidewalk. It was cold outside, winter was arriving, it was Anji's favorite season.. Tho I couldn't stand the cold.

Along the sidewalk were roses, each of them looked so pretty but with the cold they had begun to die off.. Time brings end to all things..

People always seemed to have hated me but Ajin was different.. from the start and I was his only friend. Being his friend brought so much change in my life, that he didn't even care about being beat up because I was there, I was his friend.

And thinking back to it, Ajin didn't even like long sleeves.. He only started wearing them a few days after I couldnt stand up to the ones hurting him like he did to my bullies. Maybe in the end it really was my fault..

The pedals on the roses had begun to die off.. As I arrived closer to Ajins house. The night was dark, cold and silent. In the distance I heard police sirens.. I had reached the road to Ajins home.. The sirens were louder.. There was an ambulance.. I then began running. The pedals of the roses began falling faster one by one. My heartbeat began racing buh bump.. buh bump.. buh bump.. Then the sirens stopped. They had just stopped. Nothing made a sound, except for the last petal of the rose bush gently blowing away.

I stood at the end of the street from his house. His parents stood on the front steps, his mom crying. As they brought a body out of the house. A light brown skin hand hung out from under the sheet. A drop of bright red fell from the fingertips. The body slid into the back of the ambulance, As a man then bowed to Ajins parents as to say "we're sorry" as they then drove away.

I stood in the same spot which had felt like hours.

My best friend was gone.. Because I WASN'T a good friend, or even just a good person..

Days passed.. I was bullied again. My parents got into a fight. My dad hugged me. Grabbed his hat and left. My birthday came around and I had gotten presents from my father. A skateboard, $100, and a hunter's knife. The blade was thick, and sizable. I had a hook in it, for grasping at flesh and tearing it.

Once more I had been bullied, and perhaps the last time. That day I brought the gift from my father to school. Just as the bullies were about to hit me. I stabbed em in the stomach. I pulled out the knife, tearing his flesh. A deep cut. My hand was covered in blood as he fell to the bathroom floor staining it red. The other two stood in shock. I stepped over the big guy on the floor and to the second bully.

"H-hey, I'm s-sorry!!" I stabbed him in the shoulder and then in the leg. The third one then ran out the door.

"Help!! Help!! He's crazy!!" I walked after him at a steady rate. He saw me then began to run faster. I then threw the knife at his ankle.

"Aggh!!! Help!!!" He began limping away and fell. I pulled the knife from his ankle the rapidly began stabbing him in the back.

"This is for Ajin."

"Heeel- ackk" He coughed up blood and the passed out momentarily. As blood poured all over the floor.

My hands were covered in blood.. I began shaking again.. I couldnt breathe.. I stood up from the body and walked out the door where I was surrounded by police officers.

"Drop the weapon!!"Unintentionally the blade fell from my shaking hands as I fell to the ground. The officer then kicked away the knife.

"You're under arrest! You have th-" His voice started fading away, as my ears began ringing. I was put into the backseat of a car.

And the last thing I remember was the golden light of the sun surrounded by the pink sky. Dashed out by bars from the back of a police car.

And suddenly I figured out what Anji's mom had told him all those years ago.

"Why do you bother to live?"

As I then thought to myself..

"Why do I bother to live?"